Principle

I recently applied for a job at the Good Planet Company, a store in Victoria that sells all eco-friendly home products. I admit I get excited at the prospect of working in a retail job where I can sell things with a clear conscience. I don't know what my chances of getting the job are, but it would be pretty cool to be a part of something I know is trying to make a difference in the world by transforming our consumer culture into a sustainable one. It would be nice to live by one's principles, wouldn't it?

As the summer is drawing to a close it seems like a good time to reflect on this, and how it is part of a larger pattern I have noticed in the past few months; a pattern characterized by principle.

I have learned of the efforts of others who have tried to live by their principles, and I have made the effort myself. Of course this is ongoing and hasn't come up just this summer, but now that I am out of school and more free than I've ever been, the matter stares me squarely in the face. I must decide how I live my life. What choices will I make?

Near the beginning of the summer I finished reading Anna Karenina. The journey of one of its main characters, Levin, is a struggle to live a life of purity (Levin, was based on Tolstoy himself, another man who tried the same). Around April I watched a video of Jonathan Safran Foer giving a talk at the RSA about his new book Eating Animals, and his take on the meat industry, the environment, and vegetarianism. I sent this video to my sister, which inspired her to become a vegetarian herself. I have not made that leap. Not yet, anyway.

About two weeks ago Kayla and I watched a documentary called No Impact Man, about a man, his wife and child, who try to live with as little environmental impact as possible for a year; that means no electricity, no car, no diapers, no fridge, no paper, only locally grown food, etc.--and in New York City to boot. A week or so later we watched a The Greatest Movie Ever Sold, the newest documentary by Morgan Spurlock. It follows the process a filmmaker must go through to get brands, corporate endorsements, and product placement in one's movie. It's obviously on the opposite end of the principle spectrum, albeit done tongue-in-cheek. But the irony of course is that the further he goes along this process, the harder it is to maintain the integrity of his film and not compromise the vision he has for it. Several of the companies that agree to be a part of the movie have jillions of little stipulations that must be met for their product to be displayed onscreen (e.g. one company that sells a drink product says it is the only drink that can appear in the movie; or a gas station/restaurant chain that demands that it be the only one in the movie, and so on.)

These are all examples of people and stories that kept cropping up in my summer, all marked by the theme of principle.

I have tried in small ways to live a life guided by principle. For example, I made it a goal for myself to write on a regular basis, and to meditate on a daily basis. The former works for a couple of weeks at a time, averaging about four to five hours a week, and then something comes up. The meditation worked for only two to three weeks. The question is: why did I not succeed in implementing these things? They reflect what is important to me, what I value. I know they would invariably bring me joy and grounding. So what got in the way?

In short, life. On the one hand, I became busy by heaping one commitment on top of another in an all-you-can-manage buffet; not to mention friends, relationship, family, etc. On the other, there were times I would come home and I would be simply too tired to make any serious effort at these things, or so I told myself. "But, Liam, you are being too hard on yourself," some people will undoubtedly say. "And friends and family are extremely important, you insensitive ass!" They may also say. Well on the second matter, of course they are. On the first? I am skeptical. Allow me to put forward the notion that there are people, ordinary people like you and I, who have managed to ingrain in themselves a habit of practicing their art on a regular basis. A singer or a musician do scales, a runner runs, a karate-ka practices kata. Daily. My dad is a painter, and as a rule does a minimum of one brush stroke a day (the genius of this of course is its disarming simplicity: one brush stroke will usually lead to many more once you sit down in front of the thing.) There is a great deal I can do with only one hour, out of twenty-four. There are ordinary people who have a solid routine, and still seem to lead balanced lives. I glut myself on hundreds of little reasons not to do these things that will bring me joy and peace of mind.

And what of the moral sphere? For example, I continue to eat meat knowing fully how destructive the meat industry is the environment. It's not a necessary evil, is it? We don't need to eat meat. My reasoning? I'm used to it, and I like the taste of meat. Jonathan Foer's response: so what? There are plenty of nutritional substitutes to meat that ought to consider (and we may have to at some point.) The planet is going to pot because I like the taste of hamburgers. I don't say this to condemn--I admit I am a part of the problem--but to draw attention to a hard fact. So when do our values, the things we believe to be right, step in?

Is it possible to live by our principles? Some people manage it, don't they? If possible, than to what degree? Moreover, what do you do when your principles clash with one another and compete for your attention? After the May 2 election I decided to write a letter to Stephen Harper. I penned it, and then put it away in my desk and never sent it. I decided it wasn't the right time for it, or it wasn't written clearly enough, or it probably wouldn't even reach him, it wasn't this, it wasn't that, till it wasn't anything at all. I decided it wasn't necessary to raise my voice and that I had to get on with other things.

What is more important here? Civic duty or artistic obligations? Art, or one's duty to the life of the spirit? Spiritual well-being, or physical well-being? It's hard to measure. Of course all of these are important, and all intrinsically linked. But that in itself presents problems. If they're all important, how does one prioritize? How do they all fit into your life, and the hierarchy of things that need tending to? Any thing worth doing takes hard work, but as soon as you focus in on something, other worthy causes get neglected. How does one serve these gods and not lose oneself?

The logistics are dizzying. Jury's out on this one, as far as I can tell.

To be fair, I have done a good amount of writing this summer, including a creative non-fiction piece, a short story, the scribblings of a poem, a new draft of an old story, the beginnings of another short story, and a few pages of my fairy tale. Not to mention the co-writing of an adaptation for the stage. I can safely say I haven't just sat around twiddling my thumbs, this summer. And I am only 21. My brain isn't even fully-formed yet, I am told. But it is the nature of the arts that nobody's going to wait for me. In this line of work, personal initiative is highly conducive to "making it". So what on Earth am I waiting for?

I think as far as getting a solid routine of any discipline is concerned, patience is key. Also, to not fear routine. Some people think of sheer drudgery when they think of routine. Some must imagine Sisyphus rolling a rock up a hill, only to have it fall down again for all eternity. Routine = tedium. Yet I don't think it needs to be seen that way. Routine is good. It's how you build muscles. It's how you play piano or project properly onstage. It's revelling in the process, the journey. So when we lose that ever-so-helpful regularness? Well, I think part of it though is acknowledging one's failings, and instead of wallowing in self-pity, you must renew your vows to the things you cherish, and carry on.

"Why do we fall?" asks Bruce Wayne's father. So we can learn to pick ourselves up.

My Day

Today was a hectic day. On top of it being BC's Heritage Day, which means my work hours are longer and all the pissy families and tourists come out, it was also the last day my parents were in town before they flew back to Calgary. I got to have lunch with them, and then I had to say goodbye. Thankfully my afternoon was busy enough that it didn't give me a chance to get too down in the dumps about them leaving. But I really am sad to see them gone. My family always rejuvenates me emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually. Naturally, it's hard to see them go. This is also on top of the fact that quite a few of my good friends have all moved away from Victoria. Growing pains, you know?

Anyway, after I came home from work, I had to get groceries and clean, and then work on transcribing dialogue for the Fringe show I'm working on. I was worried I would just be toiling away until bedtime, a thought which never wins my vote. It was very easy for me to get frazzled and stressed. I was coming home from a troublesome grocery trip, feeling especially put upon: all this little quotidian tasks were eating away at my time to relax, and enjoy myself. I was even madder because only an hour and a half earlier I had had a brief period of meditation, and was feeling all pleased with myself for having done so and grounded myself etc. etc. And then suddenly I'm back to reality and lo and behold! my knickers are in a knot!

But there was a moment, as I was parking my bike, when this notion came to mind: It's not all about me. And for some reason, that truism is all it took. It wasn't a "suck-it-up buttercup" kind of notion. Well it was, partially, but not entirely. You are not at the centre of the universe; okay sure, that's a drag. But it's also the greatest news you could ever get. This is an enormous relief. There is something greater than you, and the burden is not on you to have all your ego's demands met.

I will forget this truth soon enough, and will need some reminding periodically. But it was nourishing all the same, a good pick-me-up when my spirits are flagging. Hopefully it'll come up again, down the road.

Just thought I'd share that with y'all. I have an idea for an essay I'd like to write, and I'll post it on here when it comes into existence. Until then, have a wonderful night everyone.