It's 4:03 AM, and I'm wide awake.

My mind is absolutely reeling. This is the second time this week that I haven't been able to sleep, no matter how hard I tried. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though. Two nights ago I was awake until morning, only after my family left for work and school, and in that time I came up with what I believe to be a really good Christmas story. I'd always wanted to write a story for this time of year--something in the same vein as Stuart McLean's Christmas stories--only I never had any idea. Now I do, and the idea is NOTHING like Stuart McLean's but that doesn't matter. It's still a Christmas story, and that's what matters. This was the result of a sleepless night. It's hard to say whether it's a good thing or a bad thing. Inspiration struck me so fast that I would be foolish not to do something about it, but I just wish it could happen in the daytime. But, c'est la vie. And here I am again.

It started with me watching an episode of Battlestar Galactica before going to bed. This probably was a bad choice, because as soon as I was done, my imagination was fired up. This is going to sound ridiculous, but I started thinking of different, wacky ways to perform the To Be or Not To Be speech which we already worked on in Voice class. Still riding on the emotional residue I had from watching the Galactica episode I managed to bring myself to hysterical extremes--at some points maniacal laughter and others the verge of tears--all in well picked moments of the monologue, of course. Needless to say I was very much in the moment. In my room. By myself. Lying in bed. Anyway, my mind moved on to my still unwritten magnum opus of epic fantasy which I started thinking about writing ten years ago and never really got beyond jumbled notes in a journal. As usual, I puzzled over the perfect names for particular people and places, and the details of plot. It seems like an ass-backwards process, having a rough plot for the story when you don't even quite know what the characters' names are. I had names for everybody, but I've changed them many times, and now I have no idea. If a character's name is supposed to suit them, which should come first, the name or the character, since both are so interdependent? I managed to decide on the name for the capital city of the Great Kingdom, but not the name of the Great Kingdom itself. I feel like I will be able to write with much greater ease once I have solved this complex question. Good thinking, Juliet: what the hell IS in a name? Thus far my characters are only instruments of plot, not actual characters, so I need to give them names. But ones that suit them, and are fitting with their respective culture and language. Ganny is the most developed character (which isn't saying much), because he is the closest to myself in these circumstances. His name means nothing etymologically speaking, but that doesn't bother me. I had this name for him since I was ten years old, and I don't intend on changing it.

I realized thinking about this was keeping my mind awake, so I tried reading more of William Shatner's autobiography--which is extremely entertaining so far, I must say. So far (and I'm not very far) he has lead a very interesting life, some parts of which seem too crazy to be true--this only exacerbated things.

Eventually my mind moved to what I think is my good idea of the night. I've decided that this upcoming year will be a Year of Extraordinary Thinking. Let me explain.

I've often wondered what it is that seperates an extraordinary human being from, well, an ordinary human being. This is rather subjective and muddy territory I realize, but let's assume for all intents and purposes that there is a difference.Now, I have a very wide definition of extraordinary. Something I find extraordinary might be perfectly mundane to somebody else. Let's just establish that right off the bat. Basically anybody I see doing their damnedest to live a meaningful life, to live exactly the kind of life they intended, to be true to their hearts; this I find extraordinary. And to be one of these people, I've come to the conclusion that, of the factors that a human being can control, it is their imagination and will to act that can get them there. An extraordinary person will do what ordinary people might just talk about, if they believe it is important enough to sacrifice their time and effort. They put their money where their mouth is, and they follow through. Beyond that, it really depends on the scope of that person's imagination. I do believe that, within reason, a person can achieve just about anything. But they have to want it bad enough, most likely to the point of obsession, and this will fuel their will to follow through. This is nothing new. And you might say "that's all well and good in theory, but..." yes yes I know. But. It's this kind of foolhardy thinking that seeks to defy that argument, to debunk that little three-letter word. It's extremely optimistic in tone I realise, and quite cliche, but I would not believe this if I hadn't seen it proven true on countless occasions, throughout history, and in my own life. It is an empirical argument which others have observed as well, to make it become a platitude. I think it takes an extraordinary amount of time and energy to be an extraordinary person, but it can be done. And I also said a person can do anything within reason. I'll be first to acknowledge that outside factors play a huge part, i.e. economics, social status in that particular society, personal physical and mental health, luck, timing etc. Obviously if anything was possible then we wouldn't have wars and poverty, embroiling honest people who never have justice no matter how hard they work. I know there are people who have a vast inner brilliance that will never be known because they are barred from the opportunity to show it. But if these things are not an obstacle, or are not an obstacle that cannot be overcome, then this is when this theory can operate in reality. A person has more power than they may think, and the key is coming to understand this. If there is a way, then the will will find it. It is a spiritual power, at heart. It is the 'inner space' which the Dalai Lama speaks of. It's what I believe is what allowed survivors of the Holocaust, of imprisonment and torture without trial to be survivors. To hold on to their humanity. The true story which Someone Who'll Watch Over Me is a testament to this. Not only did those men survive, which was mostly good fortune, but they survived with their souls intact, which was entirely because of their inner strength. But now I'm rambling...

In this Year of Extraordinary Thinking, I want to devote my time to expanding my mind. It's something I never stop doing, really, but I want to do it in a higher concentration. It originated with reading Into the Wild this past summer. Christopher McCandless was on an ongoing quest to become one with Nature. I don't necessarily condone what he did nor would ever want to follow his footsteps, but I couldn't help but admire his passion, and his will to follow through, risking a lot to stay true to his values, to the very core. I asked myself, what is keeping me from acting so purely and truthfully? Well, a lot of things. But it would hardly be worth it if it wasn't hard. Half the joy is in the trying. Trying, failing, and trying again. It's a cyclical process that can't be avoided.
In the summer while I was doing Rent I decided I could coast through it until I got back to Victoria and have a fun, but meaningless summer, OR I could invest as much of myself as I could, and becoming exhausted in the process. I wanted a restful summer, but I felt that it might be more fulfilling to go for the latter. I tried, and I am so happy that I did. I know a large part of me still resisted and dragged my heels. There was always more I could give, but it was definitely not half-assed.

I also got the idea that I wanted to try tree-planting next summer. This also came out of my hatred for the customer service industry; I really wanted a job that didn't require dealing directly with people. Tree-planting seems like the perfect fit for me: it's out doors, it doesn't require dealing with customers, if you can get good at it you can make good money, and it's physically (and so I hear, emotionally) taxing. Jackpot. It's something I've never done before and usually would never have considered, and that's precisely why I want to do it. A small act, yes. It's not going to garner praise, it's just a job. But this to me would be an extraordinary act, to expand my realm of experience. So this was my first act of extraordinary thinking.

Later on, in Victoria, I got an idea to have a Storytelling party. This is basically where everyone involved gets together and shares their favourite stories, be it poetry, drama, fiction, or non-fiction, original or someone else's, anecdotes from the day before, etc. Anything, as long as you get up, and tell it to your captive audience. It's to revive the art of oral storytelling, an art which intrigues me greatly, and to share it with each other and enrich each other. And I'd like it to be semi-classy, with wine and cheese. This, I'd like to do some time in January. Again, another small thing, but I feel like it will yield something very lovely indeed.

In September I also contemplated doing the 3-Day novel writing contest. I said I would've done it if I wasn't doing the Fringe at the time. So, next year, if I'm not doing the Fringe, I'm going to do the 3-Day Novel writing contest. What have I to lose?

I also decided I would like to submit something to SATCo at least once before I graduate, so over the summer I'm going to work on adapting one of my short stories from my Fiction workshop last year into a play. With my current plan, it hopefully involves character mask-work.

Finally, I think one of the biggest hindrances to my development as an artist is distraction. So I'd like to organize a brief, one or two week-long retreat somewhere in the summer, to use this time to develop my craft in a removed, concentrated environment. Most importantly, I welcome anybody else who would like the same experience. I thought about Stanislavski and Chekhov and Meyerhold and those theatre artists at the turn of the century who went away to a summer home and did just this, experimenting and developing their ideas. It helps to be rich enough to have a summer home, but I'm sure there's something we can find. Yes, school is a concentrated environment for the development of my craft, but in some ways, it's still not enough. A student's schedule can get so ridiculous that often it's impossible to go as in depth as you'd like. And I specifically want this retreat so I can work on my other passions: writing, music and visual art. I'm also toying with the idea of doing a collective creation project (a la Theatre Passe Muraille and the other Toronto Alternative Theatres of the '70's) in this time--we shall see.

So, I think these ideas aren't necessarily extraordinary on their own. The extraordinary thing would be to do them all in one year, or at least set the ball in motion for the future. It's certainly ambitious thinking. But again, these are things I genuinely want to do. I have no doubt that they will fulfill me. If it is at all possible, these are projects I would like to devote my time and energy towards. On that note, this is a challenge for you all as much as it is for me. It would be even more extraordinary if some of you out there were up for this challenge as well--perhaps can even better it. So, it's 5:33 in the morning, and I'm pretty sleepy now, I think, and I end with this question: anybody interested?