Existential Crisis

Hey, sorry I haven't posted in so long...I really have no excuse on this one.

Sooo, I have a lot of thinking to do, about second year. I won't be able to double-major in Acting and Writing, as the course load would be waaay too much. So I have to decide what I'm going to do. I've been talking to Lisi about directing class, which might also be a possibility for a specialisation. It's hard because some days I really freakin' want to write, and others I want to act. Sometimes I want to participate and other times I want to observe.I don't want to have to choose, but I know that I cant do all things. It's not really a matter of what I love to do more, but just what would be best for me to get a degree out of, and what kind of an experience I want at University. I've always seen University as a place for scholarly, academic pursuits, and with Acting, it's not quite as academic (or at least not in the same way). I know I'll always have theatre in my life, and I'm pretty sure I want to act after, but at the same time, I don't necessarily need a degree in it. It would just be really good for honing my craft, and preparing me for the business of proffessional acting.When I'm at the Phoenix, it doesn't really feel like I'm at university at all. A theatre school, yes, but not a fully-fledged university. That's a wonderful thing in its own right, but I feel like I'm missing out on something. I want the university feel while I can still get it. I want to be academic and scholarly. So you might say, well why not combine those interests, of theatre and academics? I can, but I don't necessarily want to. I don't want to major in Theatre History. it's fascinating, but I don't want to major in it.

Maybe my idea of university is the most impractical kind. I'd just keep my nose in books all the time, and just speculate about the world and life, rather than live it. So which is better do you think? Life in theory, or life in practice? While specialising in my industry right away is more practical, I feel more intellectually enriched by the rest of the university. I don't have as much of a one-track mind as some people in theatre. Some know inside out that they want to act, or design or direct or whatever, and I truly admire them for that. But I'm not like that. My interests are a bit divided sometimes, and I don't want to choose, and as a result, nothing happens. It's better to be a master in one art, than a smatterer in many, as the saying goes. I don't want to smatter, but I'm afraid to choose as well.

-Thus far my main goal has been to go to university. It was an end rather than a means, and I didn't really think much about what I'd do afterwards. I can help it I'd stay at university for the rest of my life. It's like being in the House of Elrond! I'll be a proffessor, perhaps.

-This past week my love for acting has been revived though, after seeing Wind in the Willows, and listening to Christopher Newton's lecture.
So here's what I'm going to do: I'm going to work as hard as I can in all my classes and keep my grades up, and audition for second year acting at the end of the year. But I don't think double-majoring is gonna work, unless I do the Theatre/Writing program, which is an option.

Ok, so here's the plan:

If I get into Acting next year, I'll Major in Acting and Minor in English

If I don't get into Acting, I'll do the Theatre/Writing Major, and Minor in English (second choice)

or

Directing, minoring in English or Writing (2nd second choice)

or

Theatre Generalist Option, minoring in English (3rd second choice)

Until then though, I'll worry about my immediate decisions, and enjoy it all as much as I can. I'm also going to do as much research about my options as I can. I've asked Marco about English, Lisi about Directing, and ask the fine arts advisor as well.