Brain vomit.

I don't know if this is therapeutic or not. I'm crying. I'm so tired of this cycle. Even if a day goes well, I know I'll end up feeling like this again.

To anyone reading this, I ask that you not read too much into what I write for the next while, because these are the words of someone in the thick of it, someone whose words are straight from raw emotion, minus the contemplative reflection.

Do you believe in soul mates? The realist in me says no, but once my emotions get involved, I want so badly to believe it. One's own emotions are, after all, so terribly convincing. Maybe there are soulmates. But maybe not everyone has one. John Lennon and Paul McCartney were soulmates, kindred spirits, for a time in their life. But then John met Yoko, and that was that. It's not such an unfeasible idea, soulmates. Incredibly hard to find though, if so. Some people are so deeply connected to each other, so why not? Well, maybe it's not a question of are there soulmates, but are there predestined soulmates, singular and forever fixed in heaven, that must be found in life? I suppose that also depends on whether or not you believe in fate, and destiny. It's just a hypothetical question, anyway. I won't bother trying to apply it to my own personal life right now, because I'm in a fog, and there's no way I can get perspective on something like that anyway. So why am I bringing it up? Now, especially, when such a grandiose question would arise naturally, given the shitty circumstances of my life as it is presently? Well, I guess that's exactly it. It was on my mind, and so was the nature of love in general. Love is most definitely real, to anybody who experiences it. It's probably the most real thing there is, if not the only real thing. But even so, is there true love? Is true love indestructible? Mutable? Variable? Is it even there?


Alright, well that did seem rather contemplative. I guess what I meant to say is that, I just want to speak my mind, without editing it. I'm not crying anymore. I've erased a lot of other things I wanted to say. I've edited this entry quite a bit. And I suppose I will no matter what, when writing for an audience. But I don't mean to filter my thoughts. I'll try to keep the editing to a minimum. That's what I want to do, no matter how stupid or wrong a thought may be. It has to come out. As Shakespeare said, the truth will out.